Wine of the Month
Sept 2026
A week ago, my girlfriend called with urgent news: she’s sober.
“Awesome,” I thought, “free Uber.” But she had other ideas. She gently “suggested” that I join her on this cockamamie journey. “It’ll be fun!” she exclaimed. “You’ll sleep better! You’ll lose weight! You’ll solve riddles with ease!” Normally I’d just go along with whatever she tells me, but this was different. My job is to taste wine and mumble to customers about why they’re good. Sobriety could threaten my already meager livelihood. Plus it would really kill my vibe. I told her that I was proud of her and would support her all the way, but it sounds like that sucks and I don’t want to do it. She sighed dramatically. “Matthew… I guess you’re not that serious about being Boyfriend of the Year…” This cut me deep. I am serious about being Boyfriend of the Year. The dastardly Craig from Accounting is nipping my heels as it is. I had to think fast. “Of course I’ll be sober with you baby,” I purred, “but can we at least have Zibibbo?” She, like most people, had no idea what Zibibbo is. “You mean you’ve never tried the Muscat of Alexandria?” I exclaimed. “It’s our feature wine for September!” I went on to tell her about Zibibbo’s noble origins – how it’s considered an “ancient vine” native to Alexandria; that the name is derived from the Arabic word zabib which means “raisin”; and that the grape has since spread across the Mediterranean, with most modern production coming from Sicily. Most importantly, I added, Cleopatra used to drink it, because hot girls drink Zibibbo. If she were sober, there wouldn’t be anyone pretty enough to have any. She took one sip from the dry, aromatic white - the floral nose and peachy crispness immediately won her over. Life has a funny way of including you in things you don’t want to do. We might be sober, but we make an exception for Zibibbo. |
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