August 2026
This month I turn 35. I am not a little kid anymore – I’m a man whose back hurts with a net worth of -$4,673. They say it’s never too late to follow your dreams. A writing career. A model train collection. Enough children to field a football team so I can finally play quarterback. They’re all still within my grasp. All I need is generational wealth, and it all starts with pleasing our shareholders (ticker symbol LW&C). Since I’m unable to gut the workforce to the studs and automate, I decided to do the next best thing and feature a liter of Austrian Rose with a cute label at an unbeatable price.
Rosy is made from Blaufrankisch, a native Austrian varietal that produces deep red juice that belies its lightness and pleasant acidity. Clay soils and a cool growing climate gives this wine distinct minerality, and like most Austrian wines it was made with minimal intervention. Perfect rose for a beach excursion. This is the type of wine I sell by the case; making cold hard cash hand over fist. The type of opportunity that makes me happy I work in wine and not something more lucrative, like waiting tables or being a gym teacher. You might say “Matt you don’t get commission. You’re only making money for the shareholders you capitalist lapdog!” Calm down Karl. Have some rose. |
|
